Your Relationship is your Greatest Asset
We were standing in a field; mountains surrounding us. Powerful clouds aching to drop their heavy load were hovering. A young man stood in front of us peering intensely into the distance, waiting for his bride. He was accompanied by a large crowd of witnesses, family and friends, waiting for this important moment.
A word that gets stuck in your throat.
A word that means forsaking all others.
A word that means no going back.
Scary. But powerful.
We were at a wedding. Sheets of rain had pelted down all morning. The heavens were taking a momentary break, as if holding their breath in anticipation of the moment of commitment, watching, waiting.
Commitment to one person.
Love, sex and commitment are the basic components of a long term relationship. You need all three in there somehow. Commitment seems to be the unpalatable killjoy. Commitment phobia is now a social cliché. We want the joy of the love and the fun of the sex, but the commitment seems to be the cost. It is, but it more than that. It is the actual bond that keeps you together. It supplies the secure, stable framework so that the love can flourish and the sex can be safely and intimately shared.
A committed LTR is like a home: fireside warmth, nourishment, rest, protection, and a place to be yourself. It is a secure base. Difficult times will need special understanding. During these times a long time relationship shows itself to be much more than a mutual transaction. Love and commitment take over.
The young man in front of us was about to take that big step. He wasn’t at the warm fireside just yet. The clouds threatened, the witnesses held their breath, the mist swirled in, suspending this moment in time.
And then she was walking towards him. A white dream, crowned with billowing clouds, tears of joy defying the grey skies.
The young man turned his shining face towards her. Time seemed to stand still and gaze in awe at these two. And in front of the witnesses and the mountains and the heavens above they took a vow of commitment:
“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part” words that date back to 1549 and basically say no matter what, we’re together. It’s commitment.
She giggled when she said “I do.”
Two whip birds sang to each other in the distance, echoing the vows.
The young man and woman joined their hands and placed a ring on each other’s fourth finger. A forever reminder of their commitment.
The success of your long term relationship is in your hands, all four of them.
There was a 100% chance of rain predicted for that day. The heavens held their breath, but an hour after the ceremony, they opened up and flooded the field. A long term relationship is not all blue skies. As Shakespeare reminds us,
“Love looks on tempests and is never shaken.” (Sonnet 116)
Actually, love and commitment show their strength in hard times.
Christian looked at me and smiled with so much love in his eyes, remembering our moment 28 years ago, but also remembering the tempests that had battered at our door.
“The rain held off!” I sang in triumph.
Against many odds, in the middle of a tempest, two young lives made a powerful commitment to each other.
I will remember that very moving wedding for its incredible beauty, for its tempests, and for the love that was deeper than the mountains.
There was so much forever in that moment of time that is etched on my heart.
Commitment. Strong as mountains.
Love. Powerful enough to overcome tempests.
Welcome to our blog. Each blog contains an insight into your relationship and how to mend or grow it drawn from Christian's 18 years of clinical experience working in psychiatry. They are told as stories. The central ideas are in bold. All the pictures are originals. We post once a month. Looking forward to travelling with you in this amazing journey called life.